On Inspiration
How to stop looking, find it and flow
The other week I confessed that I had run out of ideas.
It felt a lot. Drained, I had nothing left but a self imposed deadline and a commitment. So I wrote about what I felt at that moment. At the time, I felt like I had let myself down and written something a bit ‘bluergh’.
The irony of an elusive idea. Thinking that somehow it was somewhere to find. If I searched hard enough I would find it. If I spent time concentrating on that.one.thing. But I only found it when I stopped looking.
How do you have ideas? Why do you run out of them? What was going on? I knew exactly what was going on. I had, had too much on, my brain hurt from thinking and doing. Little time for much else. ‘All work and no play makes jack a dull boy’.
I don’t think it really makes Jack dull in the way you might think; as in ‘he is no fun’. More that he is dull as in he has lost his sparkle. His ‘raison d’etre’. What makes him shiny and happy instead of wrung out, exhausted and dull.
At those moments, you need to double down on what makes you return to you. Because that’s where the good stuff happens. Rest, good food, some fresh air, a good conversation and that something something. I couldn’t put my finger on it.
Being in the garden is good for me. It’s added a little sparkle but the breakthrough came on Saturday morning. I got that elusive flow. It had been M.I.A. for a while.
I’ll set the scene.
It had been a challenging few weeks on the plots. Storms and rain ravaging the last flowers standing. Very little looks good after a heavy pounding of that with little sunlight and warmth to lift. I was managing to create bouquets and subscription orders but there was one last wedding.
I was worried.
Could I pull it together? Cue running around some brilliant growers and bringing together the magic of their produce, time and effort together with mine.
So by Saturday, I have all the flowers in the studio, separating them out. Buckets for the Bridal Bouquet first and boutonnieres whilst at the same time. It’s quite stressful, not in a good way. At that moment I need the best of my attention and care.
Not my forte.
I want the best Bridal Bouquet with little ‘maids’ all taking elements of the Bridal, but smaller. The boutonnieres will take elements of the bridal bouquet, a larger one for the groom et al. Then I want what’s left to be a good selection for the buckets or arrangements.
And then the fun starts.
Once I have all the buckets of sorted ingredient ready, the work is done.
I usually start with the boutonnieres, then the Brides Bouquet and finish with the ‘maids. Now I know a lot of florists that just do not care for a boutonniere. It’s all about the bouquets for them. But I’m a gardener and built different; for me, something magical happens with the boutonnieres.
I had no idea when I went into this game. I wasn’t even ever sure about ‘doing’ weddings. But blimey they are fun!
It’s always early in the studio, I have a space cleared down, dry and clean.
Snips, ribbon shears, wire, tape, ribbon and lots of jam jars of ingredients.
And always a playlist blasting from the speakers.
And then something happens.
I forget that a door opens, and I fall into another world.
Like Alice in Wonderland.
As I was making the boutonnieres, completely relaxed, yet at the same time under a huge amount of pressure.
If I mess up, there are no other ingredients conditioned, graded and cut exactly as required, in size and material.
The brother of the bride is going to collect in an hour.
It’s for a wedding.
They have to be good.
But at that moment, it doesn’t seem to feel ‘heavy’, I am lifted with that pressure and confident with the selection.
Another gear appears and I move into it.
Time seems to slow down, I don’t really think about what I am doing, my fingers move quickly and deftly. They appear in front of my eyes lined up.
Not only am I doing good work, but I am having a great time.
And BAM the ideas start flowing.
I found them!
What just happened?
That’s what I was missing! How can you get more of it? Why does it feel so good?
I got my flow back. And big time.
It’s the most beautiful moment. An alchemy of ingredients that seem to put one in a state of ease and efficiency, creating something really special. Both in a feeling and in results.
It feels like how I imagine Dr. Strange feels when he is working his magic in the Marvel movies. It’s a delicate balance, a pinch of stress, a dash of experience, a dollop of skill.
Like a conductor with an orchestra, complex and beautiful.
Yes, I am comparing making a tiny boutonniere to being a conductor!
But I am not sure it really matters what you you are doing, what matters is the feeling you get.
And isn’t it great if that feeling and moment has a positive effect on others, how small or great that is. Surely just having that feeling makes the world a little better in the energy produced?
How do you get there? You can’t just ‘conjure’ it. It feels like a 6th gear, you can’t get there without other ‘gears’ being driven through first. This inspiration requires elements to be in position, an environment, a skill, a set of resources, experiences all working together. It needs opportunity and a willingness to put yourself there.
Why was it that I both did good work, felt really great whilst under quite a bit off pressure AND had some of my best ideas that I’d had for a while? What was going on there?
Pressure, some element of stress seemed to be a part of it. Maybe not the the flow part of it, but certainly getting into 6th gear.
I am no scientist but there certainly seems to be an alchemy of different chemical reactions, hormones in that moment. Is it a Venn diagram of adrenaline, endorphins and cortisol?
Looking up cortisol, I found that when the body releases the ‘stress hormone’, sugar levels in your bloodstream are increased. This is a direct fuel for the brain. But it’s more than that. This feeling seemed to be a flow of a measured heightened state of production and clarity.
Is it an equation?
Let’s take that innocuous example of making a boutonniere:
Cortisol was released due to the pressure of a timeframe and requirement for excellence. This frisson of stress created excitement and released adrenaline, then endorphins are released as things are going well whilst feeling both stress and pressure all at the same time.
In normal circumstances, one hormone might cancel out the other, but in this, there is a loop and I wonder that one feeds into another creating that elusive state. Inspiration.
I know these are crude measurements and my simplistic explanation. But it felt like a high. A nirvana of a kind of personal engagement.
And fragile too.
Any fluctuation of those chemicals will take you out of that beautiful place and I imagine that’s where you have a dip feeling low or worse total burn out. Those chemicals simply must take a lot to produce and to recover from. A delicate balance.
I think that is where I was, when I ran out of ideas.
So what that the lowly boutonniere gave me that moment? Surely no activity is worth less or more in reality.
Societally, emphasis and value is put on endeavours that ‘win’, create wealth or have huge visibility, but it’s all the same really.
In the end it’s all about how you feel. And hopefully, how you make others feel too.
The Bride wrote to me today and told me how much she loved her flowers.
And my ideas file is full.
Good times.
